by: Mike Staff
Sometimes finding the right songs for the biggest moments of your wedding can be a daunting task. After all, there’s much you need to consider (like you don’t have enough stuff to stress out about already!).
Have no fear; it doesn’t have to be a stressful situation. Here are some things to consider when choosing those special songs for your big day.
Bridal Dance – This is THE most important song of the night. Next to seeing you kiss at the altar at the end of the ceremony, this is the one of your most romantic events; your big moment alone on the dance floor. So the song has to be special.
There are three very important things to remember when choosing songs. These may seem obvious, but you’d be surprised. Plus these “rules” apply to any song chosen for any of the ceremonial dances.
1. Make sure the song you choose is one that the two of you can actually dance to! You may be able to tear up a dance floor, but your groom may have two left feet. Picking a song with an odd tempo may make him feel awkward, especially out on a dance floor in front of his friends and family. Try to keep it simple.
2. Make sure both of you actually LIKE the song. For example, you may really like Lonestar’s “Amazed”, but if country music makes your groom’s teeth itch, you need to choose another song. Or, he may really like that “one” Metallica ballad, but you hate it. Next, please.
3. Is the song appropriate for a bridal dance? Let’s face it…you may both really like the song, but “Love Bites” by Def Leppard does NOT make a good bridal song. Don’t laugh…it’s happened! (And there were many rather confused wedding guests that night).
Still, sometimes you may think that you don’t have a song that is “yours”. What was the first song the two of you danced to? Is there a ballad by an artist that the two of you are big fans of? Was there a song playing in the background the night he proposed to you? These are things to think about.
If that doesn’t seem to work, start listening to songs on the radio a bit closer. Listen to the lyrics. Eventually you will find a song that will express what you want to say to each other on your wedding day…and that’s your song!
Another thing you may want to consider is the length of the song. “In Your Eyes” may be the perfect song for you, but the track is nearly 6 minutes long. That’s a long time to be out there - the two of you…alone with everyone’s eyes upon you…feeling paranoid yet? Don’t be afraid to ask your DJ to fade the song out early.
The main thing to remember - this is your big moment. Make it special not only for you, but for your guests as well.
Bridal Party Dance – The first question we often get regarding this song is “Does the bride & groom stay on the dance floor during this dance?” The answer is “Yes”. It looks a little strange when the bride and groom leave the dance floor with their closest friends on it.
Some couples are choosing to combine the bridal dance and the bridal party dance -- one song for everything. This is a good idea if you have a small bridal party or if you are uncomfortable being the center of attention. Whatever you decide to do comes down to planning; making sure you let your DJ and your bridal party know what you want to do, i.e. when you want the bridal party to join you on the dance floor.
Some couples have chosen to allow their party members to dance with their significant others instead of whom they walked down the aisle with. This is fine, and may save a few awkward (and jealous) moments, but make sure that this is planned out with your DJ and your bridal party in advance. Doing this will double the number of people on your dance floor and a larger group of people will be a bit harder to keep in one place for very long. Make sure everyone knows what the plan is and what is expected of them. Plus, it is imperative that you have everyone’s names at the time of your consultation. Adding names at the last minute does increase the possibility of your DJ making an error, and we HATE making errors. But we are only human. The more you plan it, the easier it will go for everyone involved.
Some brides have been willing to drop the bridal party dance all together in favor of making life easier for everyone, avoiding awkward moments or because they just want to get to the party. This is fine, but keep in mind that the bridal party dance is a great opportunity for your photographer to get some good shots of your bridal party. If you still feel that you want to drop the bridal dance, make arrangements with your photographer to get pictures of your party during the day.
Having said all of this, actually choosing a bridal party song tends to be a bit easier. If you have been trying to choose between two songs for your bridal dance, you can use both; one song for the two of you and one for your bridal party.
You can also choose to be a bit light-hearted with this. “Friends In Low Places” can work, as does “With a Little Help From My Friends”.
Again, think about songs that may have special meaning to those you have chosen to stand up with you. For example, I attended a bonfire once with a number of good friends and there was a moment when someone pulled out a guitar and played “You’ve Got a Friend”…and there we all were; swaying back and forth. singing loudly, A couple of years later, one of the attendees at that bonfire remembered this and chose that song to be their bridal party dance. And sure enough, that moment happened again on the dance floor. Consult with the members of your bridal party; they can be a good source of ideas.
As before, another thing to keep in mind is the length of the song. For example, if you want your DJ to introduce your best man and maid of honor, the other 16 members of your bridal party, both sets of parents, and acknowledge your flower girls and ring bearers, choosing a short 2 minute long song like “What a Wonderful World” is NOT a good idea. The song will end before your parents are brought out onto the dance floor! Conversely, choosing a 5 ½ minute long song like Celine Dion’s “Because You Loved Me” when there are only 3 couples to introduce is a bit much. Again, feel free to have your DJ fade the song out early.
The main thing to remember is that this is your moment to share with the people closest to you. Make it meaningful, make it fun, and make it special.
Daddy/Daughter Dance – This is, of course, a tradition, but this doesn’t mean you have to be traditional about it. Sure, “Daddy’s Little Girl” is still used. Of course “Butterfly Kisses” was created for this moment. And it seems nowadays that there’s a new song coming out of Nashville about once a month that’s tailor made for the daddy/daughter dance.
The main thing to remember is that this symbolizes your “last” dance that your father will have with his now-no-longer little girl, so this is a song that should be special to both of you. This doesn’t mean it has to be a sappy moment. You can have fun with this if you like. It all depends on the personalities of yourself and your father. Naturally, your best bet is to consult with your father, and your mother as well (mothers tend to remember things better than fathers sometimes!).
One great example…one of our DJs was asked to play “Puff the Magic Dragon” as the daddy/daughter dance recently. This may seem like it’s an odd choice at first, but this was a song that the bride’s father would sing to his young children when they would go to bed at night. So when the song was played at her wedding, both the bride and her father were in tears, as were the bride’s siblings gathered at the edge of the dance floor. In fact, there wasn’t a dry eye in the house as 180 guests began singing along with the song! In another very similar situation, “On Top of Spaghetti” was once used, apparently having something to do with the bride’s love of spaghetti when she was a child. If there’s a song like this in your family history, use it!
In yet another example, a bride’s father was once considered a great disco dancer, so the bride chose “Last Dance” by Donna Summer…and then had the DJ open the dance floor to all of the guests when the song’s disco beat kicked in. So it need not be what “everyone else” does. Make the moment unique and special.
Mother/Son Dance – There are tons of ideas for daddy/daughter dances, but seemingly few choices for the mother/son dance. This isn’t necessarily true; they’re just not so obvious sometimes. The same rules apply as with the daddy/daughter dance; if there’s a song in your groom’s family history that means a lot to them, use it!
The daddy/daughter dance may get most of the attention, but the mother/son dance is JUST as important to your groom and his mother. Usually your groom’s mother will have ideas, but don’t keep your groom out of the loop!
But wait…there’s more…!
There are a few other points during the course of your reception that will require some music to help make the moments special. It may not seem like a big deal, but having music for these moments add to the overall presentation at your reception. They help set the mood and tone of the entire evening. Let’s take a look…
Introduction Music – This is the big moment; your Grand Entrance when you and your groom are first brought into the hall to the cheers of all your friends and loved ones who have gathered to celebrate your wedding. So naturally, you will want to choose music to highlight the moment.
There are a few things to consider. Will the bridal party also be introduced at this point? Will your parents also be introduced? Do you want one song for everyone, or do you want a separate song for your bridal party and one for you and your groom? Do you want something a bit mellow for your parents to walk in to, and then get a bit louder as your progress through the rest of the introductions?
Again, this is a BIG moment, and one you want to capitalize on. Use this moment to really pump up your guests.
Having said that, this moment can be as full of pomp and circumstance as you want, or can be as fun and rowdy as you’d like. There are some “standards” such as “Celebration”, “Let’s Get It Started” or “Get the Party Started”. But our DJs have used everything from “Here Comes the Bride” to the Austin Powers theme song, from “In the Mood” to the Blues Brothers, from the Chicago Bulls theme song to the Imperial March from “Star Wars”, from the U of M fight song to one of the songs used for the “C.S.I.” TV shows. As you can see, the possibilities here are quite endless.
There are no real rules for this one, so you can be as creative and individual as you like. Consult with your bridal party for this one, and check out or list of ideas here on our website.
Cake Cutting – Often couples will choose a song to highlight the cake cutting ceremony. This one isn’t really a necessity per se, but it does help to draw attention to the cake cutting.
We recommend something upbeat or mid-tempo for this and keep it light-hearted. And again, this can be almost anything. Some couples choose to let their Grand Entrance song play out if they go directly to the cake cutting after their introduction.
“Love & Marriage” by Frank Sinatra is popular here, but sometimes brides balk at using the theme to “Married With Children” (remember the Bundys?). If nothing else it does usually get a chuckle or two. Choosing a song with a food or sweets theme, like “Ice Cream”, “Sugar Sugar”, “Sweetest Thing” or “How Sweet It Is” always works. You can even go as far as Weird Al’s “Eat It”. Again, this is a light moment so have fun with it.
Bouquet Toss/Garter Removal/Garter Toss – This is something we will be discussing more in a later column. If you decide to do this, there will be several songs you will need; one song for the ladies for the bouquet toss, one for the gents for the garter toss, and a song for the garter removal. There may be others needed as well, depending on what you want to do. This is certainly the most lighthearted moment of the evening so you can have fun with this as well. Just remember…your grandmother is sitting right there…
How to find the songs – Didn’t think that there were this many songs to choose, did you? Have no fear…we’re here to help.
Most of the time there are obvious choices for your ceremonial dances. There’s that one song that the two of you have always considered “yours”. But maybe the choices aren’t so obvious. So how to find them…?
First of all, start early. Don’t wait until the last minute to choose the songs. These will be some of the most important moments of your wedding. Take as much care in choosing songs for these moments as you did in choosing the hall, your flowers or your DJ!
Listen to the radio. Go to your music collection. Browse through music stores. Poke around through iTunes or the like. Ask your friends, especially those who have already gotten married. Ask your family.
And of course, check out the song lists that we have included on www.mikestaff.com. Many talented and experienced DJs were consulted when compiling these lists, so there are a lot of ideas there for the taking. Ask your DJ for ideas when you consult with him. Use his experience and knowledge. That’s what we’re here for!
Now, all of this may seem like a lot to consider when choosing songs, but it’s really much easier than it appears. Don’t stress out about it! The main thing to remember is to LISTEN. Don’t just go to iTunes and play snippets of songs. Take a few minutes to really listen to some songs. Besides, with all of the chaos normally associated with planning a wedding, taking a few moments to sit back, relax, breathe and listen will certainly help take some of the tension off. Enjoy the process! Once you relax a bit, the right song will come to you.